I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I would fuck him just for his dog
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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