Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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