my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
