We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
