i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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