were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
