He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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