Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
