Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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