I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
