Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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