at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
There are leaves in my underwear?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
