...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
