It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize