New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
