I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
How's work?
Spinning.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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