i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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