Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
