i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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