Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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