dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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