Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize