his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Ladies don't puke and tell
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
