Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
