Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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