mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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