my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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