apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The uberlube is also flammable
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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