i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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