she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
