don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
