I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
