just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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