Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
