what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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