TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
did i walk over a car last night?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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