she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
