please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
