We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize