I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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