Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
