He had one of those small greek statue penises
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
