Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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