pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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