The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
