dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
