i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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