but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
