So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He did a backflip because drugs
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