I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
