I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
