6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
