I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
