ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
