I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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