my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
