8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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