Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
