i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
