First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
