I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
