No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
