Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
