using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize