Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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