You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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