Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize