i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Pants are for mortals
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
