she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
