Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
