I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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