finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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