My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
No stitches, just platelets and will power
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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