When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
