I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
