you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
