i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Found the puke drawer
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
