Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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