So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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