So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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