In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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