Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
