theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
