i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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