My friends, they love my intelligence
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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