i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
