know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
